I have a weakness for focusing on my fears.
My husband (luckily) is a very trusting person. He is so good at having faith, hoping for the best, and just being patient until all the details are worked out.
Anyway, last week was rough. I had so many fears consuming my heart, especially with this pregnancy. What if I get the virus? What if this goes on until the baby is born? What if Todd can't come into the hospital with me? What if I have to give birth on my own? What if my kids get sick? What if...what it...what if....?
We tried for years to get pregnant, and to have it happen right now, after almost 16 years of marriage, in the middle of a global pandemic is baffling to me. Not to mention my emotions are completely out of wack right now, hormones and all. I cry a lot.
But I keep telling myself, there has to be a reason. There has to be a reason why God would send this baby at this exact time. I know it is a miracle from the Lord. I know that His perfect gifts come at the perfect time and in the right way. So I just keep telling myself that. I just keep striving to trust and have faith. I keep trying to trust that He will work out the details, and come what may, it will be beautiful and perfect and just as it should be. It is hard.
I pray a lot for miracles. For strength. For help. For peace.
On days when my fears are especially enveloping, I pray more. I talk with Todd more. And I hope that His peaceful feelings will come again, as they have so many times in the past.
My husband (luckily) is a very trusting person. He is so good at having faith, hoping for the best, and just being patient until all the details are worked out.
Anyway, last week was rough. I had so many fears consuming my heart, especially with this pregnancy. What if I get the virus? What if this goes on until the baby is born? What if Todd can't come into the hospital with me? What if I have to give birth on my own? What if my kids get sick? What if...what it...what if....?
We tried for years to get pregnant, and to have it happen right now, after almost 16 years of marriage, in the middle of a global pandemic is baffling to me. Not to mention my emotions are completely out of wack right now, hormones and all. I cry a lot.
But I keep telling myself, there has to be a reason. There has to be a reason why God would send this baby at this exact time. I know it is a miracle from the Lord. I know that His perfect gifts come at the perfect time and in the right way. So I just keep telling myself that. I just keep striving to trust and have faith. I keep trying to trust that He will work out the details, and come what may, it will be beautiful and perfect and just as it should be. It is hard.
I pray a lot for miracles. For strength. For help. For peace.
On days when my fears are especially enveloping, I pray more. I talk with Todd more. And I hope that His peaceful feelings will come again, as they have so many times in the past.
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